Epilepsy Ontario :: Process of Disclosure of Sexual or Physical Assault

Process of Disclosure of Sexual Assault, Incest or Assault

If you have been assaulted or abused, try to talk to someone you trust, or try to get the courage to call a crisis line or help-line. The volunteers on those helplines are very helpful and provide a non-judgemental, third-party ear for those who do not want to disclose their assault experiences to people they know. You can even discuss the issue of how other people in your life may disbelieve you and how to cope with that problem.

Disclosure of any assault or abuse, whether chronic or a single incident, is the beginning of a long healing process with many different stages. It can be very frightening for several legitimate reasons. Often persons with epilepsy or other disability choose not to disclose their assault experiences because of:

Guilt and/or anger towards themselves
Negative responses by others
Lack of proper counselling, and disbelief from friends and family members can make you feel that your innate value as a person and your quality of life are negligible.
Lack of information regarding legal rights and systems
Re-victiminzation –
Fear that, if you start to tell someone about the assault, you will –
Fear that you will not be believed and/or that you will be blamed for the attack.
Self-blame is a common reaction of persons who have been assaulted, but always remember that you are not to blame.
Fear of repercussions –
Fear that if you call the police, your partner will be mistreated by the police and courts because of racism, sexism, homophobia or other forms of discrimination.
Fear that the criminal justice system will not recognize emotional &/or psychological abuse. Although our justice system responds more favourably to the survivors of physical and sexual assault than it once did, it has only begun to recognize that emotional and psychological abuse can be just as harmful as physical assault.

You may experience physiological reactions during the disclosure and afterward. These might include: having a seizure, becoming ill, migraine headaches, abdominal pain, or having difficulty breathing.

What You Can Do to Support an Abused Friend or Co-worker

Believe her. Accept what she is saying. Don't argue or try to explain "the reality."

Encourage, but don't pressure her to talk about the abuse.

Listen! Take a complete active listening role. Support her feelings without judging her.

Re-assure her that you will help and do all that you can to make sure that she will be helped.

Re-assure her that she does not cause the beatings. A wife beater, or sex offender, or abuser learned to used violence as a way of expressing anger, or frustration, or exerting control, long before meeting the victim.

FACT: Alcohol does not cause people to assault their partners. Alcohol only makes it easier for them to be violent. The real cause of assault is the batterer's desire for power and control over his/her partner. Batterers often use alcohol as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for their own violent behaviour.

Her physical safety is the first priority. Beatings almost always get worse as time goes on. Ignoring a beating can get very dangerous.

Tell her that she is not alone in her predicament. Assault happens to many women, even women with epilepsy or a seizure disorder, in all income and education levels, in all social classes, in all religions and in all ethnic groups.

Explain calmly that wife beating is not a sickness: IT IS A CRIME. It is too widespread and occurs too frequently to be caused by or blamed on mental illness.

FACT: In Ontario, if a woman leaves a partner after being beaten, she retains legal rights to financial support and custody of the children if they have any.

Help to make an emergency plan in advance. Try to locate emergency housing available for her and her children.

Respect her need for confidentiality.

Your friend needs your moral support; she needs your reassurance that she is NOT to blame. Help her to find the assistance she needs to live free from assault. Give her a list of key community resources that support and work with assaulted women. You can get others from your local epilepsy chapter or telephone book.

FACT: Specialized groups geared towards the needs of women with epilepsy or a seizure disorder tend to be on the leading edge of sensitivity and success!

Give her the time she needs to make her own decisions. She may decide to stay in an abusive relationship for many reasons.

ADVICE: If your friend is not ready at this point to make major changes in her life, do not take away your friendship. Your continued support and advice may be what will make it possible for her to act at a later date. It may save her life!

If your friend is an immigrant who is sponsored by her husband, it is important that she consult a lawyer so that she does not lose her right to remain in Canada should she decide to separate from her husband.

Harmful Advice

Women who experience abuse or violence, either chronic or in a single incident, need our support and encouragement. Some forms of advice can be harmful or dangerous:

Don't tell her what to do, when to leave or not to leave.
Don't tell her to go back and try a little harder.
Don't rescue her by trying to make her decisions for her.
Don't offer to try and talk to her partner or co-worker to straighten things out.
Don't tell her she should stay because of the children.

FACT: Survivors of abuse often feel out of control and powerless. Pushing her into taking actions for which she are not ready may re-victimize her and strip her of any sense of personal power and control. You can best help her by supporting her decision and conveying your trust in her.

Suicide Intervention

When a person talks about wanting to disappear or never come back, ask them if they are thinking about suicide.

Try to find out details such as:

Do they have a plan? How well thought out is that plan and is it possible for them to carry it out?
Have they attempted before? How often?

You can help by:

Have her agree not to do anything for a day or an hour or whatever time it takes for you to get her connected to a professional crisis service.
Work with her to write out several steps she can follow to try to work with her feelings while she is waiting for help.
Be sure that she is connected directly and give the referral service details of the information that you have so that the agency or hospital will appreciate the severity of the case.

Protective Actions for Women with Epilepsy

You should be counselled about the risk for assault or abuse by another person during or after a seizure. It is not uncommon, particularly if you experience complex partial seizures and may wander or be confused during or after a seizure.

Alert neighbours or local police about your seizures and appropriate first aid.
Consult a legal expert or family court worker about your rights.
Find a supportive women's group, religious group, or a supportive counsellor or friend. If you ask, you may be able to find a counsellor who speaks your prefered language.
Be familiar with the resources in your community (local shelter, health centres).
Upgrade your education or skills with part-time or correspondence courses.
Stay active in the community especially if you are elderly. This will make you appear less vulnerable to mistreatment.
Do not leave valuables and/or money lying around and arrange for pension cheques to be deposited directly into your account, if possible.
Consider getting a dog for your protection.

FACT: Some counselling or advocacy centres for abused women will provide an escort and/or transportation services to the hospital or to court.

Emergency Checklist for Assaulted Persons

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